Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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