Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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