i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
