I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
