hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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