i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
