pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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