What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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