saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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