Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
