i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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