I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You pole danced in your parka.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
