Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
