hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
