So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
