I wanna bring you to show and tell
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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