I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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