I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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