shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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