Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
