Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
