I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
