I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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