why didn't you poke me back
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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