you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You need Xanax blowdarts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
