my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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