My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
