Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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