Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
