I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
