i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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