The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize