People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
