Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
