I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
