you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
