Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
God, I missed his penis.
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