I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
cat food counts as protein by the way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
