Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
