The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
