I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
