I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
