Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
