Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
