Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
