not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
