**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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