i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
