One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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