My first STD was from a foam party
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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