twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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