life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
