Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
