My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
