i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
