Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
