I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
