Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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