between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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