guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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