I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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