I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
