i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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