Pants 0. Shit 1.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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