jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
